I recently saw a series of blogs that are writing letters to various problems. I decided to give it a go. This is me. To my past, present, and future self. To everyone who has felt or feels this way. This is how I feel. I know what it feels like.
Dear You and Me,
Hi. I see you. I see you sitting there. I see you sitting there and feeling like you mean nothing. I see you feeling worthless. I see you feeling like you never matter. I see you sitting there and acting like it didn’t hurt. . .when it did. I see you crying. Where no one can see you. I see you thinking no one would care if you ended it right now. I see you picking up that blade. I see you putting it to your skin. I see you pulling it across your skin. I see you watching the blood drip. . drop by drop. . .drip, drip, drip. . .1 cut. 2 cut. 3 cut. Drip. 4 cut. 5 cut. 6 cut. Drip 7 cut. 8 cut. 9 cut. Drip. 10 cut. 11 cut. 12 cut. Drip. I see you sobbing into your pillow. Wondering what kind of a person you are. Wondering if you’re a monster. I see you curling up in a corner, wondering if anyone still loves you. . .if anyone would care. . . . I see you picking yourself up. Piece by piece. . .as people tear you apart and their words try to destroy your very soul. I see your insecurities. I see you waiting for your friends and boyfriend/girlfriend to realise you’re not good enough. To realise that they can’t stand you. I see you waiting for them to leave. Terrified of that day. I see you hating to eat. I see you having to force yourself not to stop eating. To stop drinking. To throw up after every meal. I see you trying not to do that. I see you hating how you look, how you act, how you talk, who you are. I see you. I. See. You.
I know what you’re feeling. I know that you don’t want to bother people with your problems. I know that people care. I know that your mother, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your father, your brothers, your nieces, your nephews, your extended family, your friends, the people in your classes, I KNOW they care. I KNOW they would care. I know it feels hopeless. I know you’re in pain, both physical and emotional, I know you don’t want to keep doing this. I know it seems like a good idea. . .but sweetie? It’s not. It won’t solve anything. All it does is end a precious life far too soon.
You have so much potential. You have the ability to do so many things. You can pick yourself back up. . .again and again. You. Can. Talk. About. It. You. Deserve. That. Your boyfriend/girlfriend will listen and love you despite the mess you might be. Your friends will listen and love you despite the mess you are. . .and if they don’t. . .it’s NOT your fault.
Don’t you dare believe that you are an obligation or stressful to them. That is their problem. Not yours. You are worth it. You deserve help. You are beautiful. Your skin is gorgeous. Don’t hurt it. Cut it. Damage it. Don’t do that, sweetie. Cry. Don’t feel ashamed of crying. Don’t hate who you are. Don’t let what the people who just want to hurt you, don’t let it get to you. Don’t think you’re not good enough. You are. For the right people.
Please stay with us. Please talk to us. Please don’t hide anymore. Please let yourself trust for long enough. Please don’t shut everyone out. Please open up. Please stay alive. Please.
We love you. Stay with us. For just a little longer. It gets better. I know it doesn’t feel like it. But it does. These lyrics convey what I’m trying to say so much better. Thank you Linkin Park. Thank you for ‘One More Light’. <<Video link in title.
Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do
If you are going through depression or anxiety, please don’t be afraid to get help. If you know someone going through depression or anxiety or anything for that matter, please don’t be afraid to reach out. Reach out. Just talk. Don’t let them suffer alone. That’s where most of the problems start.
“One Hello? Can change a life. One Hello? Can save a life.” –Liza M. Weimer
Take this song to heart.
^ Click link in title for the video. ^
Step one, you say we need to talk
He walks, you say sit down; it’s just a talk
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along